#3: My Take on Mental Health

Coming from an immigrant family, mental health was never prioritized or emphasized throughout my life...

" I'm fine"

Such a simple term can hold so much pain behind it. No matter how big or small an issue is, if it makes you cry or upset or anything, it is still an issue. You should never feel like your problems aren't worthy or legit just because others could be going through worse. NEVER let anyone downplay or minimize you nor your emotions. I don't want to be cliche, and the most cliche phrase would be "Know your worth", but I have no choice. And I know it's not as easy as it sounds, I know from experience. And I'm still learning.

As a brown girl and a first generation here in the U.S, there are very high expectations set for you the second you begin school. For me personally, starting from a really young age (maybe around 5) I started my grind. I began playing chess, going to chess tournaments every week from 6pm-1am as a first grader. It didn't stop there, I started playing almost every sport there is, from dance to basketball. Then came my vocal lessons and extra math classes. You know the drill.

I never had time to breathe. Where I'm trying to get at it is that the bar is set very high, and the comparisons never stop. No matter how good you think you are, there is always someone doing better than you, and you'll always be compared to them every second.

This mindset was engraved into my head from a young age, and I bet it is for a lot of others too. it's natural and common.

Then came high school. Our favorite. Seeing all of these people who are gorgeous, smart, successful, fun, talented... the list goes on. I began comparing myself to others more than ever, without having family members do it for me this time. I began to fall into this hole of negativity, and the more I tried to crawl out, the deeper I fell in. I felt hopeless. My grades began to slip, I started isolating myself from those who care for me, I started getting irritated, etc. I tired so hard, but maybe just not hard enough. I made friends with the group group of people, people who I thought I could trust, even after being warned by multiple people not to. I was vulnerable and desperate.

The toxicity went through the roofs, all the red flags were there, but I always tried to ignore them just to see the good in it all. My biggest mistake.

I knew I needed help, but was too scared to ask for it. I was so lost, helpless and didn't know my worth. I tired to distract myself by taking on other hobbies and activities, and trying to trick my brain into thinking I was happy, but I was just lying to myself.

After months of this cycle, I had decided I needed help and reached out. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, which wasn't much of a surprise, but it still shattered my heart. I was in denial.

After months of therapy, I started getting better, ever so slowly. It was like seeing the light of the end of the tunnel. And there were some good days and them some very bad days. It was just apart of the process and I had to trust it. I had no choice but to.

NOW it's not like I went through any major trauma in my life to get me to that point. It was myself who got me to that point.

☆ No matter who you are or what you're going though, whatever it is, IT'S VALID. You don't need anyone to tell you your worth and if your feelings are valid or not. You shouldn't let anyone even have that power over you. It's important to acknowledge your feelings and realize that it is OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY. It's okay.

There are people who love you and care for you and it will be okay, no matter how hopeless you may feel. It's okay to ask for help and that doesn't make you weak. In fact it makes you that much stronger and braver. It's not easy. And it may take some time, but it's worth it. Please ask for help if you think you need it love ♥.

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RESOURCES

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - 1-800-273-8255

The Samaritans: (877) 870-4673 (HOPE)