#8: Let's Talk

So... let's talk guilt. There are 3 main types of guilt:

• Toxic guilt- the feeling/sense of not being a good person, even if you did nothing wrong

• Natural guilt- feeling guilty over something you never got to do, remorse

• Existential guilt- the negative feeling that comes out of the injustice you see in the world (poverty, climate change, racism, etc.), as well your own unpaid obligations to life itself.

I personally suffer from existential guilt more often. For everything I do, I feel bad. Guilty. I remember vividly this one instance where we were going somewhere in the care and it was HOT, but I felt bad for asking my dad to turn up the AC. Why? Because I started thinking about all the other kids around the world who don't have air conditioning, or those who never grew up with it, etc. Overthinking basically. So I just sucked it up and sat there sweating in the heat.

This happens every day. Every DAY.

And it's not as easy as people say to "brush it off" or "just don't think so far into it". I don't want to think either but it just happens.

Another instance I just remembered was when I was just eating the other day. Literally just eating some crackers because I was hungry.

I started to feel guilty about it because the other day, I had seen pictures of these kids who were starving and sick. I felt guilty and horrible because I started to recognize the privilege we have of being able to eat whenever we want and practically what ever we want, while others are going days without eating anything, and staving. Kids that are dying every day.

I just feel bad for everything, even though it's not my guilt. I feel has though I have certain obligations to help the world, and I haven't "completed them", therefore making me less deserving.

Existential guilt is quite real, and even reasonable. Why? Because sometimes, we literally can't live without having some sort of a negative impact on others, it's impossible. Often, the resources we use to live, even to live simply, means that those same resources are not available to others. And it sucks.

Now I don't know how to stop myself from feeling this guilt, but here are some ways I try to manage it:

• Meditate- I try to check in with myself, ask myself why I feel guilty (or however I'm feeling)

• Remind myself that not everything is my fault (as weird as it may sound)

• Try and change the way I think about whatever is "triggering" that feeling; changing my attitude towards that guilt

Some guilts do need amends, because the guilty feeling points out a failure to live up to our own values. Other guilts are best let go.

Sally Kempton

I think the best thing I can say from here is to know that you aren't alone, if you're dealing with anything similar. It's okay to reach out for help and to talk about it. It doesn't make you weak, in fact it makes you stronger.

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This was written purely to share my experience with guilt, and is not to provide as therapy/ professional advice. If you feel as though you need help, please don't be afraid to reach out to a trusted person or professional.